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DJ Dan June 1 transcript
A= Announcer D= DJ Dan T= Tanya C#= Callers 1-? ---- A: Coming to you live, from Area 51... DAN JINGLE You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down The Man. D: Milton from Fresno, please tell me you're not still there. C1: I'm still here, DJ Dan. D: Tanya, you're fired. T: I'll leave when you start paying me. D: Oh-ho, Tanya. Now, ok Milty, before I kick you off, what were you saying? C1: I was saying that I think Persephone is just some hacker for one of the Hanso Foundation's competitors. D: Oh, so, uh, you think the Hanso Foundation is uh, what, some kind of innocent victim in all this? C1: No, no, I'm just saying how do YOU know they've done anything wrong? D: How do I know? How do you know you want to stay away from the business end of a skunk, Milty? How do you know old Mrs. Withers is going to hand out pennies every Halloween? You just do. SHUTDOWN!! Alright, time for DJ Dan 101. Don't you get it, people? The Hanso Foundation, their competitors, they're "The Man". And The Man don't hack The Man! It's simple, folks. All The Man wants is for you to keep quiet and keep kicking your hard earned wage to him and his ruling-class cronies. And I'm not talking corporations and governments, I'm talking global mega corporations, meta-governments, people whose scope goes beyond nations, beyond planets. Don't you see? If they can control what you think, what you feel, what you see...then they can do anything they want. They're hiding the truth because they know if we know what they know, we'll SHUT EM DOWN!! So they keep us busy doing NOTHING. Thornton from Seattle, go ahead... C2: I don't get it DJ Dan, how-how can you talk about The Man when you're the biggest corporate sellout of all! Your website is covered in ads for Jeep, for Sprite.... D: ...and Monster.com. So what? You ask me, sponsors are a pretty small concession to make for my voice to be heard. I mean, who says I gotta wear sackcloth and walk around barefoot to fight The Man, huh? C2: These are more than top stores you're supporting, Dan. You've got.... D: Look look look, Sprite's a competitor. These days there's more beverages than ever. So why do I like Sprite? Cause it's delicious. Cause I like Lymon. Cause saying it makes me feel cool. And what's wrong with helping Americans get jobs? How do you think I got this job? Monster.com, that's what the internet is good for ConspiraSpies; finding loonies like me to appeal to the hearts and minds of loonies like you. And my Jeep? I love my Jeep Compass. Do I ever go offroad? No. But, do I live with a sense of security knowing my four wheel Jeep Compass will get me and my family to safety when the bombs fall and the highways buckle? You bet your Agnew I do! But enough of that. As long as we're teaching DJ Dan 101, I want to talk about something else. So, I go to the old mailbag this morning, and I find a letter from Jessica in Reno, Nevada, and I quote, "I listened to your show on rapid weight loss, DJ Dan, and I don't understand why you hate science so much." T: Oh, snap! D: Oh snap indeed, Tanya. How many times do I have to repeat I do not hate science? It's science that lets me broadcast from the road, moving from secret location to secret location, with only my laptop and the wind in my um....scalp. My trusty mic, and of course Tanya, who Lord knows is a wonder of science herself. T: It's called the gym, DJ Dan. D: No Tanya, its you versus gravity. According to routines established by scientists, who understand the mechanics of the human body, and what a body it is, Tanya. T: Aw, shucks, DJ Dan. D: However, if science offered a way for me to look like Tanya, with just a snip of the genes, a wave of the scalpel, would I take that offer? No. No way. And trust me, ask my wife. She'd much rather have Tanya coming home to her than me, she says I walk heavy. T: Get carpet. D: That is with carpet! Look you see Tanya, The Man, people like the Hanso Foundation, they've made a stink that Science and Technology are the answers to every single one of our problems, just push a button, it'll be okay - but it won't be okay. Jessica, to answer your question, I don't hate science. I'm afraid of science. I'm afraid of the consequences of a science that moves so fast, that we don't have the chance to stop and think and analyze what's going on. We have blind faith in the people who, who already render the product we bought five minutes ago obsolete by rolling out version 2.0 three minutes ago. So if I get that surgery and gene therapy and come out looking like Tanya, do they care that I melt into a hoodwinked puddle in three weeks? No, cause I'm LOST. I'm a corporate recall, I'm a intermediary step between Tanya and the Tanya disco triphop remix. And why? Cause I stopped asking questions. This is DJ Dan making way for his hotter, younger replacement, DJ Dave. A: You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down The Man. ~DJ Dan 0601 June 1